Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Do vagina's smell?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
