If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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