youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
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