did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
