The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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