4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
