cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize