Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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