My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Floor bacon is actually really good
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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