I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize