No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
