so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
