There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
