new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
