She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Randomize
