no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
there is puke in my bra ... again
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
