I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
