you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
