the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Randomize
