Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
