I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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