Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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