puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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