when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Randomize