i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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