It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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