Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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