You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
God, I missed his penis.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
