I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
