so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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