So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
