I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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