i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
