The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
