I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
