he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I love you.
Bad choice
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
