Princesses don't give blow jobs
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
COCAINE IS GR8
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
