I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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