PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
