She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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