Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
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