Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
