he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
