Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
