i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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