i will never coherently bang her
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
