I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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