i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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