If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
