At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
