So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
