Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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