filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
third nipple confirmed
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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