Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
