and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
