MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
