you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
