Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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