I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
