We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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