it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
